poem for Lucas

This is ur motha fukin track baby
Shake that culo dont b a lady
U got me talkin black
U got me dress whack
U make me wanna bam bam bam
...u like to.....jam
Jam to the cat beat ( meow meow )
Move those duck little feet
U get me goin
U get my juice flowin
Just keep bringin that beat
Only u can bang bang baby
bri...ng my heart to the heat
Just make my bum bum sweat
Make my mouth wet
I know u didnt see the big 30 commin so soon
But dont worry baby u still can reach the moon
Yo bitches make some room
He is commin thru
Tired of bein number two
He is so much betta than u
Show those fuckers how its done
Make shit lotta noise but dont forget to have fun

today not so funny!!

...yea i flipped! And Lucas is all like " im surprised u got so shocked....."
...erm, there was this total stranger putting the puma on the leash ( the animal, not the sneakers ) thru my car window!







Yea and i saw this priest on news that got caught spending over 17k of church money on sex lines and offering sex for money to couples and women!
just this morning i was thinking how great is it ive opened my eyes and i dont believe Virgin Mary was a virgin and Jesus Christ came to Earth to save us, like i saw on tv yestarday with big letters writing on some church " Jesus completly saves!"!!! Completly?!
i remember my mom forcing me goin to church and i blindly followed the other people repeating like in trance for me empty words! i cannot believe all these people like my mother listens and trust to priest and pope in vativcan! these men wearing clothes, each costing more than my moms monthly salary,preach about humbleness! these men using prostitutes, abusing children preach about chastity!
the other day some other priest here in spain "preached" about women having abortion, loosing their right to be protected from physical and mental abuse,like rape for example!

i feel so fucking empty i understand Angelina Jolie she used to cut herself to feel something!
im hoping itll pass fast! i really wanna write here something, but the words just arent comming out!

mental

in 2007, when i got so deep into shit,so deep ive ne ver been before,after ive met "this" guy,i tho i fell in love so much it was hurting me, we were having sex and taking drugs in londo and spain,for almost 2 weeks in row! geez i was so out of it i was spinning around the moon,and not in a good way! 1st of all, i was so broke,i was giving out fliers in London, i had no money even to take the underground,i wasnt paying rent, etc....one day he was doing things to me, i think i had out of my body experience,but who knows maybe i just passed out and was diliussional ...nasty!!!
anyway, i went home,to my mums and ive met online one guy from greek island! he wanted to meet me and i had nothing to do! He sent me ticket so i flew to this gorgeous island!o close to the see u had the feeling u r landing on water! the landing space was s he friend was picking me up! he was half english, hairy, with belly, he stank, had pale saggy skin ....there was nothing attractive about him whatsoever...., dont know if it was the island, the heat or the drugs leaving my system so slowly but i was like under spell! he lived in unfinished house in the hills, with gorgeous view,lots of trees all around where he seduced me and i had amazing sex! he wanted me not to meet my "friend" and instead stay with him, he said he was in love with me! after barely one hour i knew him!
anyway, that guy that invited me to greece, i havent met him still, and it was already the 3rd day. i was staying alone in cheap,but nice hotel, with pool he payed for! things got a bit complicated, but at the end we met! He had gorgeous house with the beach behind his garden, with view on tiny isla only few dozens of meters distand with enough space to fit only old monastery! he owned a tavern, where i went to eat 1st time with czech tour guide girl ive met when lost in town! with my friend we did tours on scooter across the island and i was having an amazing time but i knew i cannot stay there!
some months before ive met a girl from slovakia online, that kept inviting me to Cyprus.Spiro payed my ticket and i flew to cyprus! Once again, new adventure!

P: We are still in touch and we are going this summer with my boyfriend visite him! i cannot wait

addictions

i have a new addiction! ....like i havent been thru enough of them! u name it! drugs,sex ,bulimia,over exercising, overeating and at one point while living in London i tho its really fun getting drunk too

this time, i discovered ebay shopping! being more specific, vintage fashion magazines! But i set myself boundaries! Vogue, Elle, Bazaar from 1989 to 1999, but even after 2000 is good too! which reminds me!!! why i feel so incredibly guilty for this my little pleasures!?....bcos it costs fortune and i dont fuck with bankers! But yesterday arrived my british Vogue, on the cover with Christy Turlington, and i tho its well worthy!!!

My obsession with supermodels started when my uncle brought my cousins few issues of Elle magazines, which i stole from her! and i remember i wanted to b a fashion designer since i was like 7 yo and than i saw George Michaels "too funky",and i was hooked! i was doing the runway walk in my room to that tune like hundred times!

I was fat, ugly, camp and later i grew my hair long,i wanted to look like Marcus Schenkenberg! than i lost weight 1st as anorexic and later bulimic, while overexercising! I was in Milan for fashion week and i remember i wasnt able to wait to get to the apartment to eat all i bought and vomit it right after,instead of going with all the other models to party!

When i was nineteen....

I was bored out of my mind the other day ( like always when updating my blog) and i found these pics on google
1st on top is St.Thomas and the 2nd is San Juan in Puerto Rico!

when i was 19 yo i went to an open "casting" for Carnival cruise lines and after series of trainings in slovakia i flew to Miami with 2 other recruits! It was my 1st time ever on a plane! shit scared but so excited, i felt so alive like never before!
.....this is how it works,u come to Miami, they put u toMarriott hotel, where u find out on which ship u go to! in slovakia they told me my port is miami, next morning at 12pm i found out i was suppose to take flight to LA at 9am! Ofcos i missed my plane and it took them 10 days which i spent in all inclusive Marriott hotel to put me in following 10 days in Marriott to place me and i flew to Puerto Rico,my ship was called Destiny,which i tho sounded rather romantic than...long story short! we worked 7 days a week, from 7am untill 11pm with one 1 hour break in the morning and 3 hours break in the afternoon! basically i was so fed up i was packing my lougage everyday! First i hated it so much i refused to even leave the ship on my breaks i just went to bed! and we had ports like Barbados,Aruba,Martinique....but after few weeks i started going out! it was difficult as my english was very poor, our boss was a jerk,but our maitre D was this argentinian guy that could b my father and i think he had a crush on me,but was married and i was bloody 19 what did i know! so he put me from "staffs diner" to waiter for guests! i must say i loved americans,they r always so friendly and polite and even tho i understood so few with my smile it wasnt that difficult! but 1st i had to learn to carry all those plates on a huge tray.some guys could carry even 14 covered plates with food on them thru big revolving dog i got hit by the 1st round,and if u worked on balconies u had to manage to jump on fast moving escalator also! the money these guys are making are well earned i can tell u! i was sleeping in tiny room with a guy from thailand that hated me from the 1st day for breathing and shared bathroom with other 3 people the size of my closet! it was a toilet with shower over it! u could feel every wave the ship had swam and i can tell u, sometimes u shat and puked at once while sitting on the toilet!
I met few really nice girls from slovakia and czech republic that im still in touch with,and 2 bulgarian chicks, one looked like a Christy Turlington and the other helped me few years later find my 1st room when i moved to London!
I stayed 3 month and one day i packed my lougage for the last time and i quit!

being NARCISTIC

i took this photo of myself and i love it i wont pretend i dont! not my style! i got fat i really did but i still look hot ...aagh whatever!

im wearing Ungaro cashmire tanktop i bought for my bf