Isa 2nd time

..this time she was amazing! More relaxed and she even enjoyed herself

Isa 1st time

She was more nervous than me! Very shy, my spanish was still very poor and it was difficult to make her understand what i wanted....

Sara

She was the 2nd person i shot, right on the beginning! i was scared i didnt really know what im doing! ...which i still dont, but i was holding my new semi prof came for ther 2nd time! Lucas was running around trying to keep the horses of Sara and give me shadow!

i have great memories on this! Sara was great! she is a dancer and knew how to move, she knew what was i asking from her!

sunglasses are mine and the belt she is wearing on bikini is from Lucas

Raquel

i shot her on our terrace, on our gorgeous "golden" carpet....im very proud of this photo even tho most of the people dont like it

im disgusted by human race! i hate humans! i saw this document called "the cove" about dolphin slaughter in town called Taiji in Japan! later i found out they do the same thing in norway with whales! and the letargy and uninterest of people even around me makes me sick!
did u hear about the women of Juarez for example? hundreds of them have dissapeared in over a decade, corpses r bein found in desert in mexico! ive never heard of it before! how is that possible? horrors like this should b on tv every day so there r some changes done! people have to talk about this!!!!

poem for Lucas

This is ur motha fukin track baby
Shake that culo dont b a lady
U got me talkin black
U got me dress whack
U make me wanna bam bam bam
...u like to.....jam
Jam to the cat beat ( meow meow )
Move those duck little feet
U get me goin
U get my juice flowin
Just keep bringin that beat
Only u can bang bang baby
bri...ng my heart to the heat
Just make my bum bum sweat
Make my mouth wet
I know u didnt see the big 30 commin so soon
But dont worry baby u still can reach the moon
Yo bitches make some room
He is commin thru
Tired of bein number two
He is so much betta than u
Show those fuckers how its done
Make shit lotta noise but dont forget to have fun

today not so funny!!

...yea i flipped! And Lucas is all like " im surprised u got so shocked....."
...erm, there was this total stranger putting the puma on the leash ( the animal, not the sneakers ) thru my car window!







Yea and i saw this priest on news that got caught spending over 17k of church money on sex lines and offering sex for money to couples and women!
just this morning i was thinking how great is it ive opened my eyes and i dont believe Virgin Mary was a virgin and Jesus Christ came to Earth to save us, like i saw on tv yestarday with big letters writing on some church " Jesus completly saves!"!!! Completly?!
i remember my mom forcing me goin to church and i blindly followed the other people repeating like in trance for me empty words! i cannot believe all these people like my mother listens and trust to priest and pope in vativcan! these men wearing clothes, each costing more than my moms monthly salary,preach about humbleness! these men using prostitutes, abusing children preach about chastity!
the other day some other priest here in spain "preached" about women having abortion, loosing their right to be protected from physical and mental abuse,like rape for example!

i feel so fucking empty i understand Angelina Jolie she used to cut herself to feel something!
im hoping itll pass fast! i really wanna write here something, but the words just arent comming out!

mental

in 2007, when i got so deep into shit,so deep ive ne ver been before,after ive met "this" guy,i tho i fell in love so much it was hurting me, we were having sex and taking drugs in londo and spain,for almost 2 weeks in row! geez i was so out of it i was spinning around the moon,and not in a good way! 1st of all, i was so broke,i was giving out fliers in London, i had no money even to take the underground,i wasnt paying rent, etc....one day he was doing things to me, i think i had out of my body experience,but who knows maybe i just passed out and was diliussional ...nasty!!!
anyway, i went home,to my mums and ive met online one guy from greek island! he wanted to meet me and i had nothing to do! He sent me ticket so i flew to this gorgeous island!o close to the see u had the feeling u r landing on water! the landing space was s he friend was picking me up! he was half english, hairy, with belly, he stank, had pale saggy skin ....there was nothing attractive about him whatsoever...., dont know if it was the island, the heat or the drugs leaving my system so slowly but i was like under spell! he lived in unfinished house in the hills, with gorgeous view,lots of trees all around where he seduced me and i had amazing sex! he wanted me not to meet my "friend" and instead stay with him, he said he was in love with me! after barely one hour i knew him!
anyway, that guy that invited me to greece, i havent met him still, and it was already the 3rd day. i was staying alone in cheap,but nice hotel, with pool he payed for! things got a bit complicated, but at the end we met! He had gorgeous house with the beach behind his garden, with view on tiny isla only few dozens of meters distand with enough space to fit only old monastery! he owned a tavern, where i went to eat 1st time with czech tour guide girl ive met when lost in town! with my friend we did tours on scooter across the island and i was having an amazing time but i knew i cannot stay there!
some months before ive met a girl from slovakia online, that kept inviting me to Cyprus.Spiro payed my ticket and i flew to cyprus! Once again, new adventure!

P: We are still in touch and we are going this summer with my boyfriend visite him! i cannot wait

addictions

i have a new addiction! ....like i havent been thru enough of them! u name it! drugs,sex ,bulimia,over exercising, overeating and at one point while living in London i tho its really fun getting drunk too

this time, i discovered ebay shopping! being more specific, vintage fashion magazines! But i set myself boundaries! Vogue, Elle, Bazaar from 1989 to 1999, but even after 2000 is good too! which reminds me!!! why i feel so incredibly guilty for this my little pleasures!?....bcos it costs fortune and i dont fuck with bankers! But yesterday arrived my british Vogue, on the cover with Christy Turlington, and i tho its well worthy!!!

My obsession with supermodels started when my uncle brought my cousins few issues of Elle magazines, which i stole from her! and i remember i wanted to b a fashion designer since i was like 7 yo and than i saw George Michaels "too funky",and i was hooked! i was doing the runway walk in my room to that tune like hundred times!

I was fat, ugly, camp and later i grew my hair long,i wanted to look like Marcus Schenkenberg! than i lost weight 1st as anorexic and later bulimic, while overexercising! I was in Milan for fashion week and i remember i wasnt able to wait to get to the apartment to eat all i bought and vomit it right after,instead of going with all the other models to party!

When i was nineteen....

I was bored out of my mind the other day ( like always when updating my blog) and i found these pics on google
1st on top is St.Thomas and the 2nd is San Juan in Puerto Rico!

when i was 19 yo i went to an open "casting" for Carnival cruise lines and after series of trainings in slovakia i flew to Miami with 2 other recruits! It was my 1st time ever on a plane! shit scared but so excited, i felt so alive like never before!
.....this is how it works,u come to Miami, they put u toMarriott hotel, where u find out on which ship u go to! in slovakia they told me my port is miami, next morning at 12pm i found out i was suppose to take flight to LA at 9am! Ofcos i missed my plane and it took them 10 days which i spent in all inclusive Marriott hotel to put me in following 10 days in Marriott to place me and i flew to Puerto Rico,my ship was called Destiny,which i tho sounded rather romantic than...long story short! we worked 7 days a week, from 7am untill 11pm with one 1 hour break in the morning and 3 hours break in the afternoon! basically i was so fed up i was packing my lougage everyday! First i hated it so much i refused to even leave the ship on my breaks i just went to bed! and we had ports like Barbados,Aruba,Martinique....but after few weeks i started going out! it was difficult as my english was very poor, our boss was a jerk,but our maitre D was this argentinian guy that could b my father and i think he had a crush on me,but was married and i was bloody 19 what did i know! so he put me from "staffs diner" to waiter for guests! i must say i loved americans,they r always so friendly and polite and even tho i understood so few with my smile it wasnt that difficult! but 1st i had to learn to carry all those plates on a huge tray.some guys could carry even 14 covered plates with food on them thru big revolving dog i got hit by the 1st round,and if u worked on balconies u had to manage to jump on fast moving escalator also! the money these guys are making are well earned i can tell u! i was sleeping in tiny room with a guy from thailand that hated me from the 1st day for breathing and shared bathroom with other 3 people the size of my closet! it was a toilet with shower over it! u could feel every wave the ship had swam and i can tell u, sometimes u shat and puked at once while sitting on the toilet!
I met few really nice girls from slovakia and czech republic that im still in touch with,and 2 bulgarian chicks, one looked like a Christy Turlington and the other helped me few years later find my 1st room when i moved to London!
I stayed 3 month and one day i packed my lougage for the last time and i quit!

being NARCISTIC

i took this photo of myself and i love it i wont pretend i dont! not my style! i got fat i really did but i still look hot ...aagh whatever!

im wearing Ungaro cashmire tanktop i bought for my bf

The DOG EXHIBITION

...another freak show! I honestly felt like im on a regional level beauty paegent! The gays doing hair to their "dolls"! They use huge amounts of hairspray while brushing them for hours, covering up color imperfections of tails, nails even A holes! Majority of the dog owners seemed to me like "bossy", stressed out dykes, with no make up and bitchy all made up queens with tons of hairgel, plugged eyebrows, Primark looking like suits and shoes even polish factory worker on nite out would feel proud for! those pointy, all glossy with too much going on, on them! those poor dogs are their ticket out of looserland! U should see the face when their dog wins! U wouldnt stick sharp pencil up their arse at that moment! Five cents in bank couldnt feel more important!

Decide or not to decide that is the question

...so i was like ebay shopping, yea! but, geez its so bad! i cannot decide! too many options and unfortunately i cant have it all, and if i could would that b satisfying?! my mum always says in communism in former czechoslovakia was everything better! everyone had a job, health care was free, there was very few crime, but people didnt really have options! things were black and white! u were with the commnists or against! western ideaology was forbidden! now we have it all but we cannot afford it she says! crime, unemployment has grown, people are depressed and unhappy!
u know i never considered myself as one of the group, i hate leaders, i hate someone to tell me what to think, but often its so much easier to be told what to do, decide for me...us, the human race we call for freedom, (which communism wasnt, but people didnt struggle like they do now)but we end up struggling! is it maybe bcos the enemy of that so called freedom is hidden enemy? manipulating us, making us believe the decissions are in our hands, or letting us believe ? questions bring questions with no end.....to b honest, i dont have the answers either, but maybe i just wanted to think about it and maybe itll help u find your own answers! bcos often what it only takes is to think...

Naomi!...miss Campbell, if u r nasty!!

i love Naomi! this bitch is fierce! not only she is so beatyfull, has probably the best body of all of the models ive seen, is intelligent and has persona larger than life! it doesnt let me but say few words to express myself on last public knowen legal issue she dealt with!
in april 2008 she was arrested at London Heathrow, and pleaded guilty to 4 of the 6 charges against her!!! apparently she was using absive words, was assaulting the cabin crew, the police officer arresting her and few other people! For gods sake, they lost her bags ( dont we all know what that feels like?!, u r there standing like an idiot, desperate, with your things u bloody worked your ass off to b able to afford them, and they tell u that like...yea, whatever) ! oh and the assault of cabin crew?! dont make me laugh! I know those sluts at BA, they can b vicios! if the look kills,not the terrorists are the threat on the board of BA flights!
The verdict is! That miss Naomi Campbell is guilty of taking her life in her own hands and doing what most of us have no guts and money for lawyers for!

we love watching the "miss universe" contest! its so much fun! we love to bitch about those ridiculous national costumes, made abviously by someone tripping on LSD or something, like one costume where from behind her neck were somehow sticking out 2 huge plastic doplhins!
In top 10 is always few south american girls looking like a clones thanks to all those surgeries,miss usa seems to fall every year ( like Lucas, my boyfriend said, she knows shes boring, so she falls at least! ) ..and "the question" part! fuck me! they ask her bananas and she answers oranges, as long as it rhymes with world peace!
at the end when they present the prices, like garderobe designed by some talentless asshole with no taste, shoes by Jimmi Poo and whole line of make up u wouldnt put on your face even if u work mcdonalds

..despite i cannot help liking some of the girls...
miss Universe from venezuelaDayana Mendoza, miss Universe from puerto rico Zuleika Rivera, Flaviana,Ly Jonaitis, ...

KABUKI "avant-garde"

is japanese highly stylized form of dance-theater, using very strong make up, often lasting from 5 hours up to whole day!! it sometimes uses technique by which an actor’s costume is ttached to wires and he is made to “fly” over the stage and/or certain parts of the auditorium
females performed both male and female characters, but later females were banned! and male dancers performed both genders! they were mostly very young boys due to their higher pitched voices and less masculine appearance! they often served as prostitutes too!
i got to admire it after ive seen "memoirs of geisha", where the main character performs the "snow dance"! later i realized ive seen dance similar to movements of geishas in Janet Jacksons music video "if", which is my fav video ever! choreographed by Tina Landon!
And Madonna too, used this inspiration in "nothing really matters" music video and created her "drowned world tour" based partialy on kabuki also